37M - Still Bitter but Freer after cutting out Cutter family

My parents were typical midwestern losers who had me cut. It’s not just the cut though, my entire childhood my safety and actual interests in life were an afterthought. Dad wasn’t so bad, but he’s been buried for a while. These last couple years I went to therapy, all of this shit came flooding back to my attention. I managed to shut most of it out most of the time, but I can’t stop recognizing my scar for what it is. My scar represents a careless assault on my body. A crime against my future masculinity and sexuality. One of many decisions they made to diminish my potential. From home medicating my ADHD with Benadryl to allowing Grandma’s defense of a certain uncle’s honor over my childhood report that he assaulted me, I was raised to a standard that barely met the bare minimum. I tried confronting family all these decades later. No apologies, no attempts at making amends. I no longer have ancestors or family. All I have are data points in my genetic medical history. I am unwell in many ways still. I have a lot of work to do. But I no longer feel burdened by perceived obligations to my abusers. I wish I had a foreskin. I wish I was equipped to enjoy the so called “extra” blowjobs, but they are just like a flirty puppet show in my experience. Still, I am becoming more than they ever wanted me to be. And I do it for me!